Entry #5

The last few days have been both very good and quite bad.

I’ve felt really depressed and with that, I’ve had issues falling asleep. The good thing is that I don’t really have a reason to wake up in the morning (sounds really sad when you say it like that) so I don’t have to worry about not being able to fall asleep. Because of this I’ve had issues finding the will to do anything at all to be honest. I haven’t drawn much and I just haven’t done anything besides gaming to keep my mind occupied. The little I have drawn has been things I’ve liked though, so that is a good thing.

Yesterday I went to a job interview for a position as hotel manager for a new place that’s getting “fixed” outside of Järvsö. It would be really awesome to get a job like that but I’m not sure that the guy knows what he’s gotten himself into. I think he asks too much and I’m not sure that he will be able to pay for what is needed. Normally I would have taken the job no questions asked because having a job and getting paid is much more important than how I feel about it. But after getting diagnosed with depression it’s been much more important that I put my health first, because otherwise it’ll just end up the same way. I’ll get extremely depressed and eventually quit because I can’t even find the will to get out of bed, and I really don’t want it to get that bad again. Plus, Jocke does his best to keep me thinking about my health instead of how much money I can make for us, which is how I’ve always looked at a job before. Job and money before health, and that just doesn’t work in the long run. Believe me, I’ve tried.

I’ve also thought about streaming using my new camera but it wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. Seems I’m going to be needing some more things so streaming will have to wait. But I can record footage and upload it, so I’m going to try to do that. I know it could be good for me to try some vlogging. Mostly because I can get some of my thoughts out so I don’t just go and think about it too much, and I get some drawing done which will make me feel like I haven’t wasted my day. I know that I have to rest some days and not push myself too hard (which I have a tendency to do) but I also want to draw. I want to become better and I want to work with it, and if I want to work with it someday I need to draw more.

Also. I got some items today which was nice. A pillow and a blanket. They’re really soft and fluffy and grey! I’m thinking about using them in some images I’m going to take for the website so, we’ll see what I come up with. But first, I’m going to have to get myself some wood!

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