Entry #8

Well, the weekend didn’t really turn out the way I had initially planned. I didn’t go visit my friend. It seems that I have so much issues with falling asleep now that I end up falling asleep because of exhaustion and when I do that, I wake up really really late. So, when I did wake up it was a bit too late to be able to take a buss or train and actually see my friend for longer than an hour. Basically, it was so late that the ride to meet my friend and go back home would’ve taken much longer than the time I would see him. Great, right. So, instead, I decided to head out to the lake that’s not far from where I live and shoot some images for my website. And since I didn’t want a lot of people to see me taking pictures (or just being around me) I decided to go later in the evening so I might get a chance to catch the sunset. I do really like to take pictures of the clouds and environments at sunsets and sunrise. Yes, I do manage to see a sunrise or two, not because I wake up early enough but because I can’t sleep so the sun actually rises before I end up falling asleep because of exhaustion. Great times!

I went down into the cellar to get my bike but sadly the pump I had didn’t fit so I decided to walk instead. Since it’s not that far away it’s alright.

When I finally got there I realised that there’s a small beach near the lake. I took out my camera and decided to TRY and take some decent pictures of myself for my website and social media overall. It seems though that connecting the camera to my phone doesn’t work without wi-fi, and being outside I didn’t really have wi-fi to work with. I tried taking images of myself with the delayed thing, but that did not turn out anywhere near as good as I want it so those are not being shown. I DID however get to take some pretty pictures of the lake during sunset. I also recorded some footage for my vlog so I got that up. I still really need to work on my self-esteem because these videos aren’t making it much better as of yet. I am hoping though that they will help in the long run with me actually being alright with looking at myself. Like how I am with my voice nowadays. I’m actually alright with hearing my voice instead of how it was when I started recording videos.

Anyhow. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my psychologist and I have a few things I want to talk with her about. I know she can’t do anything about my sleep since it actually could be something in my brain that’s causing it, but I want to talk to her about things that’s happening in my life right now that I’m wondering if I’m doing things wrong or whatever. I just want her opinion about it. I also need to draw more.

Damn I hate it when I feel like this.

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