Entry #10

I went to Gävle on Wednesday. My little brother graduated school so I went there to cheer him on. It did give me anxiety to go because I know I’ve gained some weight and since I threw away so many of my clothes I don’t have much that is “approved” by my mom. I knew she would have something to say about both of those things and I just didn’t want to hear it. Truth be told, it really doesn’t help with my self-esteem much and hearing things like that day in and day out growing up does mess you up. Well, I didn’t really have much choice to pick what to wear since I don’t have much to choose from anymore, so I took the first things I could think of that would be alright and headed to the train. I arrived in Gävle at 10am and the graduation wasn’t until 12pm, so there was so time to kill. I decided to go to the bank and get some things sorted and while I waited there I made some calls that I had to make that day. After those things were done I just walked around the city for a bit. Looking at second hand shops for some clothes that might be nice and I also bought my little brother a flower. Usually, when people graduate here in Sweden, we buy plushies, horns, small bottles of champagne, and/or flowers to hang around their necks. I had totally forgotten about it so I decided to buy a rose that they had coloured like a rainbow. I thought it looked really pretty and a bit different so I decided to get that one. After all this I called my mom to ask were they were and also where the school was, since I hadn’t been there before I wasn’t sure where it was. They were on their way and was going to meet me there so I decided to take a small stroll over there. Also looked for some 8B pencils on the way but couldn’t find a shop that sold them. When I did get to the school my family was already there, getting ready for the graduation. It’s basically us standing there until each class comes out and yells and are really happy and maybe sing a short song or something like that, and that’s pretty much it. Of course, as soon as my mom saw me, she gave me that look. You know, when someone just looks at you up and down and doesn’t say anything. I know that look. She was not happy with my choice of clothing, as I already knew. While waiting (it was still just about 11:30am) I met an old friend of mine. We haven’t seen each other since around 2015 or 2016 but we’ve talked over messenger a whole lot. It was fun to see him and talk to him. I don’t have many friends left from my younger days. Well, to be fair, I don’t have many friends at all so that doesn’t really say much does it. Anyhow, seems his sister also went to the same school as my little brother, which is why he was there.

When my brothers class finally came out I tried taking pictures. It wasn’t the easiest since a lot of people have these large boards with baby pictures of the student and their name. Like, a silly way of making fun of them and also showing them how much they’ve grown. I think. I mean, I had the same done to me but mom never picks a bad picture, it has to be a very good picture so it’s never a photo that any of us has taken. It’s always one that was professionally made. Anyhow. I got some really nice photos with my phone. I didn’t dare to take my Canon with me, even though a part of me wanted to, but I knew the conversation that would rise from them seeing me with a camera like that. Where did I get the money from since I “don’t have any money to borrow”. So, to just not have that conversation I decided to skip bringing it with me. It’s alright though. I think I can take pretty good pictures with my cellphone as well. Just tweak a little here and tweak a little there. My little brothers girlfriend was there as well so I got some photos of them together, I thought that was sweet.

After all that we went home to my moms place to eat and celebrate and I was so tired so I tried my best to just lay on the sofa. I had issues sleeping again the night before and also woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I was quite tired to say the least. More tired than usual. I ended up helping my cousin with his laptop that he was giving/selling to someone in the Philippines, helping my mom with household stuff and of course, taking more pictures. Because, everyone knows, since we’re Filipinos we like to take pictures. That sounds more fun in a Filipino accent but still. During this time my mom also found it perfect to tell me that I’ve gained weight. I always find it interesting that people feel the need to tell someone that. It’s not like I don’t notice. Also decided not to drink much at all. Lack of sleep and food made my head hurt from only one glass of cider so I decided to skip the whole drinking part. I’m not much of a drinker anyway, never see the fun in it, so I didn’t mind. Of course people kept asking me why I wasn’t drinking more, and it seems like it’s hard for people to understand that you might not just want to. My cousin on the other hand got pretty drunk. So drunk that he kept forgetting where he put his drink, not realising that I just put it somewhere else and really thinking that he just didn’t know. I did it several times in a row and never did it click for him that it was me again. I had fun.

At around 6:30pm I decided to follow my brothers. My older brother was driving our little brother back to the school because they were going to ride a truck around the city and party. He was also going to drive the girlfriend home and I decided I could tag along and get dropped off at the station (which was just across the street from the school) so I could take the train and get home at a decent time.

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