Entry #12

Well. After looking at a few houses and liking both of the ones we’ve seen recently, we decided to contact out bank. There’s just a lot of stuff that’s really just making me anxious because I don’t have a job right now. Kinda hard to get a job when you might end up studying in September and also might end up as an apprentice in a tattoo parlour. Of course I want to work, or else I wouldn’t study for four years to hopefully have better chances of getting a job. That’s one of the things I wish I could change in my life. That I could go back and tell my younger self to NOT go to school and learn administration and sales, because it’s not going to bring work. I mean. The boss at the place I worked at for 6 years didn’t even know I was educated in administration and sales until 3 years after he hired me and we happened upon the subject while having a snack in the morning. But then again, I know that because I chose that subject in school I ended up where I am now, both good and bad. Even with the mental health issues I like who I am now, and I like where I am. Sure, there are things that I wish were different, like me actually being able to get a job in sales, but you can’t have everything, right. I have a wonderful person who loves me and tells me that it’s ok because we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, and that’s what counts. I know that’s true, but my old habits die hard and I want to give him everything he want’s in life. But that’s not a good thing either, as I have learned and learned and learned. You’d think I’d stop doing it but it’s hard stopping when you put everyone else’s happiness above your own. I’m working on it though! I really am.

I’ve been thinking about what more I could do with my art to put myself out there, so people know that I exist. I was thinking of contacting different art galleries and see if they would be interested in letting me show my art there. But then I remembered that I need to have finished pieces to show and I don’t have a scanner to print anything with currently. Damn you printer for deciding to print everything in pink! But it’s not a bad idea. I mean. Even if I happen to talk to them now, there’s probably a waiting time since I’m probably not the only artist in Sweden that want’s to show their art. That would be silly of me to think! Realistically. It’s probably a good thing to start as soon as possible to see what options I have. I know there’s an art gallery close to me but sadly they specialise in showing street art and I’m pretty sure that my art doesn’t classify as street art. At least I don’t see it as that.

Anyhow. Tomorrow is Midsummers Eve and on Saturday it’s Midsummer… or is it the other way around? I don’t know, it’s hard when I’m trying to translate it to English sometimes. Mom and my stepdad MIGHT be coming over. I have no idea. Mom doesn’t want to because she thinks my stepdad will have loads to say about our “shitty apartment” (which I feel a bit offended about because I think it’s very nice), and she doesn’t want to have to deal with that. I’m ok with them not coming over to be honest. Jocke and I might head over to Svartsjöarna and meet his parents there to fish and grill hot dogs over a campfire. I haven’t fished in years! It will be fun! Also, going to bring my camera. I bet there will be lots of wonderful scenery to take photos of. I might even see another fox!!

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