Entry #30

I’m having issues sleeping again. I’ve had this rule for myself that I’m going to keep myself away from news and not scroll through Facebook much and such things. It’s not that I don’t want to keep myself updated on what happens in the world around me but I have a tendency to focus too much of all the bad things that are happening and I get so anxious about everything. As you might have guessed, I read the news a bit before bed. Why? Because scrolling through Facebook and you just end up somewhere and for me, I ended up on news about the environment. I just get so anxious at how we’re going to fix this mess we’re in because we need to do it soon and this is messing me up. I’ve gotten comments about how it’s foolish of me not to keep myself updated and yes, I can understand how people would think that but this is not that I don’t care. My issue is that I care too much and together with my anxiety and depression, I have an unhealthy way of dealing with all the bad news that I read about. So, instead, I’ve decided not to read about it at all. It’s not that I try to think that it doesn’t exist. I know what’s happening. I’m not trying to think I’m living in a fairytale world where there are no issues. I’m just trying to keep my mental health stable enough that I can actually continue living in this world and also being a functioning human being. I can completely understand that people might find me stupid for doing this and I can absolutely understand that, but they aren’t living inside my head every day and every night.

Jocke followed me to the lake we have nearby for me to take some pictures. I wanted to get some photos of the sunset but sadly it was so cloudy that I couldn’t see anything at all. Well, except for clouds that is. Still, it was nice getting out of the apartment and just spending some quality time with Jocke. We walked around and talked a bit. Nothing much but still, I really like spending time with him so I liked it no matter the photos I got. But I did get some nice photos. It wasn’t windy at all so the lake was almost like a mirror. Really lovely.

To be honest. I don’t know what more to write. I think I’ll try and go to bed and see if I can fall alseep. It’s almost 5 in the morning and Jocke should be waking up in a bit over an hour. I have a feeling I might not remember him waking up later. I have a tendency not to when I can’t sleep.

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