Entry #31

It’s been quite hard this week. It’s now Wednesday and only two days left until I can go home. Jocke is coming to visit me today which is incredibly sweet. We’re going to head over to Pizza House since this one here in Sundsvall is the closest one we can get to. So we usually go there to eat when we’re here to visit.

The part where I’ve been at the bed and breakfast after school has actually been pretty alright. I’ve been either working on my studies or just relaxing. I’ve also done some sketching since inktober started yesterday. I’ve tried my hand at the challenge before but I’ve always stopped after about a week or so since I’ve never been one to be able to start and finish a sketch on the same day, and trying to force myself to do it and also working with ink directly (also something that I don’t normally do) makes me pretty mad about my own skills and I end up just stopping. This year I’ve decided to just do simple illustrations. They aren’t supposed to be large or overly detailed, and I think I might actually get through this month’s challenge this time. I really want to do it. Not because everyone else is but because it’s a challenge I’ve never been able to complete before. I want to complete it for my own sake.

I also met with the university psychiatrist about my anxiety and depression and if she would have any ideas of how I might be able to handle my time at campus. She didn’t really say something I think you should say to someone with anxiety, and especially not when they have depression as well. She basically told me that if I want this enough, I’ll be able to do it. If that was the case I wouldn’t be depressed because it has been so many days where I’ve wanted to be happy. It’s not as easy as just trying harder and if you really want it then you’ll get over it. It’s a really shitty thing to say and it’s something that I’ve heard from many that don’t really understand depression.

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