Entry #52

Not much has happened since I last wrote. I don’t know why I don’t write as often.. well, I do. I just don’t think my life is anything worth writing down about. Which is stupid. The writing isn’t supposed to be about me telling a grand tale or something like that. It’s supposed to be me just letting my feelings and thoughts out so i don’t hold it all in, and end up more depressed and anxious than before.

With covid-19 everywhere and people being in quarantine, I can’t say that life here in Sweden seems different. Then again, I don’t live in the city anymore so I can’t really say how it might be different there. For me, it’s pretty much the same. I have made an effort to take daily walks outside, just so I get out of the house at least once a day. There are so few people here anyway so if I happen to meet someone, I don’t have to worry about not being able to keep my distance. There’s plenty of space to go around out here so no worries. School is also completely over the internet now, which means less reason for me to leave my house. I did apply to get my education moved to Gävle instead of Sundsvall but sadly they didn’t have any available space at this moment so I’m going to try again next year. I could’ve applied to the “normal” program but that would’ve ment that I had to start over and redo the first year I had already finished. That’s not really something I want to do so I’ll just keep on doing what I’ve been doing so far. It’s hard though. Doing all this studying for something that you’re not passionate for. So many people that hear that say that they would never had made that choice. They would’ve done something else. But the thing is, what else could I do? I hate working support and call-centers, and I can’t get a job in retail because pretty much everyone else can do that job as well. So, should I just sit at home, hoping I get a job that I might feel alright with, or take a job that drains all happiness from my soul and end up more depressed than when I started? This is the best choice I could make that isn’t working with art. One day. One day I’ll be able to work with art and feel happy waking up in the morning. One day.

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