Entry #56

I’m scared if I’m perfectly honest. 2020 has really been a shit year and everything seems to just boil over. From the virus and now what’s happening in America. Even with me living, basically on the other side of the planet, it still frightens me. I see what’s going on and I understand. Just because I live in Sweden doesn’t mean that I don’t think that kind of racism doesn’t exist here. It does, I’m sure of it. Now, I’m not a black person but I am also not white. Growing up as half Asian, half Swedish doesn’t exclude me from having white people being racist towards me, but I’ve never had an experience anything close to what black people in America explain. It’s awful and you’d think people in the year 2020 would be better than that. I also recently noticed that there are protests happening in the Philippines as well. Since I don’t speak the language, I can’t fully understand but the amount of injustice that police are showing in both countries is horrifying. I feel helpless. I want to help but everything I do just feels like a grain of sand in the desert. While going through twitter today I saw a video of a white elderly man trying to return a helmet to the police. He was then pushed so violently that he fell backwards and started to bleed from his head and ears, and the police just walked around him! I was so horrified at what just witnessed. Things are so out of control… Even if another person would’ve run up to help him the police would’ve arrested them surely.

It’s one of those things, you know. Where you feel like you aren’t worthy of feeling sad or depressed because you know people around the world have it so much worse than you. I feel sad and depressed because during the summer, I have no income whatsoever, and I don’t want to think about that because I want to help in some way on the bigger issue people are facing around the world at this very moment. I’m just rambling but I really don’t know what to do, to be honest. I support the protesters, and I understand why looting happens. Black lives do matter.

I couldn’t breathe,
But through you,
I will breathe forever.

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