Entry #71

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind for a bit. As usual, I’ve been thinking about writing them down but just never got to the point of actually doing it. My anxiety has gotten worse again and I’m having several anxiety attacks a day. They’re pretty sure, which is good, but I just hate having them. Which isn’t weird since they’re not fun feelings to feel. Like yesterday for example. I had one anxiety attack while going for a shower, one while I was sitting by the computer and one while taking Jocke out to a restaurant. I just don’t understand why I got them there because those things weren’t bad things to do. I got clean, which is good. I played some games by the computer, which is fine. I got to spend time with Jocke over a nice meal and that was really fun. None of those things Should give me anxiety and still they do. Ah, if anxiety and depression were logical things to my mind they might be easier to “get rid of”. I really want to go back to having someone to talk to on a weekly basis. Ever since the psychology department in Ljusdal just stopped responding to me I haven’t met another psychologist. Then again, it wasn’t easy getting one since I lived in Ljusdal and automatically got assigned to that place for my health “issues”.

I have started to see a new doctor where I live now about my sleeping issues and they’re going to start taking several tests tomorrow to see if they can find the cause from that. The doctor did see that I visited the neurology department in Gävle around 2006 but that the results from the tests made then can’t be found. It’s really dumb because that would be such helpful results to see. Anyway, I’m glad that a doctor is actually willing to try to figure out why I’m so tired constantly. He did also mention that it was weird that many of the tests was taken in Ljusdal (where I went before) never got taken again at a later stage to see if anything had changed or such. Also still waiting on an appointment to get my hand checked out because it just keeps getting worse. Now it pretty much hurts every time I don’t have the big wrist brace on. I’m still hoping that I can get surgery to fix it.

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