Entry #72

Ok. I’m extremely angry and sad at my brothers’ right now. Last night my mother called me. I know that she’s been home not feeling well. She told me she had fainted after getting out of the shower and my older brother had called the ambulance and she was taken to the hospital. Turns out (just as I had thought) that she has covid-19 and she’s having trouble breathing. Not enough to stay in the hospital but enough that my brothers have to keep an eye on her in case she gets worse. I’m angry that they didn’t call me then. Why didn’t they call me?! Why did I have to wait two days for my mother to feel strong enough to give me a call and update me on what happened… I’m so disappointed at them at the moment. Especially my older brother. He, of them both, should know better. But I guess since our argument two years ago he hasn’t been wanting to speak to me so I guess it includes not telling me if our mother goes into the hospital. Great. Nice. Thanks… Anyway, I’m going to try and call her every day to check in on her because I don’t trust my brothers at all. I really want to go there and take care of her but I know it’s not a good idea, but it would work since I can basically study anywhere as long as I have internet access and my laptop. It’s taking a lot of energy to stop myself from just packing a bag and taking the next train over there. I have a tendency to get sick really easily, which is why I’ve stayed home and worn a mask when going places. I’m pretty sure I’ll get sick if I go there and if I get really sick then I can’t take care of her and it’ll just be a big old mess of it all. I’m just really disappointed in my brothers and scared for my mom. They aren’t even in quarantine! None of them! Everyone else except for mom is just doing what they do on a normal basis and I’m furious! I know that they keep telling me it’s because of their financial situation but they don’t even try to look into help for that. They just seem to assume that everything will go to shit if they don’t work as usual. It’s sad that I just had to do a one minute google search and found ways to help them financially. I have a lot to do next week… and I was so looking forward to just having a week without stress after the last course at UNI. Oh well.

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