Entry #88

Well. So much has happened since I wrote something in this blog last time so let’s just start from the beginning.

I’ve quit my studies at University, mainly because of health issues. My sleep has gotten worse and after speaking with my psychologist we agreed that I probably won’t ever be able to have a full time job which means I won’t ever be able to be a teacher in the sense that I have my own class to take care of. So I decided that I’d quit but still try and finish the classes that I had started. In case I ever change my mind it would then be easier for me to jump back in without having to do some extra stuff that I’ve then missed. So, what have I’ve done instead? I’ve started tattooing. A tattoo studio that I contacted two years ago got back to me and wondered if I had found a place to do an apprenticeship at. I hadn’t so I got a spot at his studio and have been tattooing since then. All practice of course so I don’t take paying clients yet, but he says that I could be finished within a year which is very exiting. I’ve been going to Sandviken every week or so to practice and so far I’ve done four tattoos, the fourth one being done today. I can already see the difference in my lines. I also know that just jumping into an apprenticeship and starting to tattoo real skin isn’t common but my mentor decided that since I needed to learn it eventually anyway I might as well start right away. All the stuff around the tattooing process is a lot to take in and sometimes I forget to clingwrap something, like today, so I think I need to make a check-list that I can go by when I’m there so I don’t forget anything. If everything goes well I can open my own studio and that would pretty much solve my work and sleep issues. I can pretty much decide what times works best for me instead of having to go by hours set by someone else that doesn’t have my sleep issues.

About these issues I have with my sleep. I’ve been talking with a doctor close to where I live and also a psychologist, both wanted me to go through some more tests to try and figure out why I never feel like I get enough sleep and why I’m always so tired. I got to speak to a specialist doctor in Uppsala and will get to go there to sleep for two days while they monitor everything from my brain to my breathing and so on. In hopes of figuring something out. My local doctor thinks it might have something to do with deep sleep, that I don’t get it at all or that I don’t get enough of it. I’m just glad that people are taking me seriously for once. This has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember and people have blamed it on so much. I’ve slept too much. I’ve slept too little. I don’t exercise enough. I don’t eat well enough. Trust me, I’ve tried all these things for years on end. Herbal medication. Nothing helps. Sure, my body might feel good but I’m still so tired. Hopefully we can get somewhere. I don’t think I will be able to be cured of this but at least a document that says I have this issue would help so much.

My psychologist did at one point think that I have ADHD, which does run in my family since my little brother has it, but a lot of the symptoms for ADHD are similar to being really tired, mainly not being able to focus for my part. So they want me to get checked out at the sleep clinic in case they can find something there. My psychologist also told me that I need to work on writing shorter journal entries and try and focus on just three things:

• waking up
• during the day how I feel
• when I go to bed and how I feel then

My biggest issue with why I don’t update this blog much is mostly because I always feel I have to write so much and because of that I always end up never writing anything instead. So I’m going to try to write short posts that I update on during the day. Try is the key word here.